Monday, January 31, 2011

Back on the wagon...

two wagons actually-

first of all I'm job hunting again. Not that i'm unemployed, but i dont get enough hours at my job and where I work is a less than desirable place of employment. Working until 2am? no thanks...working with crazy mcCrazteron boss? no thanks. We honestly can't afford to have me working there, so I'm looking. The problem is there isn't much out there. Unless you are an engineer or in a medical field. I am neither.

I feel like those jobs hunting websites and online dating websites bear a lot of similarities....actually too many similarities.
-First of all you are looking for jobs in a localized people.
- There are a lot of attrative options....that lead to dead ends. (or fake profiles)
- The job lists all kinds of requirements that are impossible for any person to actually meet.(or people with insanely high standards)
- The job looks great, the pay looks stellar, but there is always a catch. (like a hot guy who is 32 living with mom.)
-Then when you finally find a job that everything fits and you send in your CV (resume if your in the states) you are held up against a list of other people and are judged point blank. Do you have these skills? did you word everything correctly? What kinds of jobs you've had in the past? Its so unfair because you can't really convey to someone through a CV what kind of worker you are, or what kind of person you really are. I hate that selling yourself aspect of it all the most. I am a phenomenal worker- I have always busted my ass at every job I've done and I have always progressed very quickly. But looking at everything I have written down, its hard to get a complete understanding of that.
I think that would be a lot like someone sending you thier dating profile and you go, well hmm they sound great but they are a brunette. and here is this girl who has all of the same qualities with blonde hair. and perkier boobs. well blondie can be a total dumb ass and brunette could be awesome. But how could you really truely ever know? you cant!!
Its all so impersonal.

(I just have to say as a side note- I've never actually done online dating sites and i'm not knocking anyone who has or uses them.)

Also some of these jobs??? they are suspicious.
ok- here in Limerick we have a lot of street charity fundraisers. They harrass you while you are out and about walking around for some charity or another. You ALWAYS see them. In fact we call them chuggers (charity muggers) because some of them are so so aggresive. I have been nearly knocked down several times in the past by these people. I'm talking really aggresive. Well so I was looking online at some jobs and found an ad for street fundraisers....the pay is 350.00 euro per week....thats a LOT of money for what they are doing. its 350 PLUS bonus....WTF. I don't believe it. I smell some manure. So i'm not applying but I'm calling the contact number, cause really? all that money for that? hmmm. suspicious. And if its true then people of Limerick better watch out- I'll be the next person out there knocking you down for your 15 cents for water in Africa. LOL

My second wagon that I'm on- Weight Watchers.

My first stint with them before christmas? it was O.K.- but I wasn't as sucessful as I wanted to be. My motivation was lacking and combining that with christmas. failure all around.
Now that there is the new program out and now that spring is getting closer I wanted to give it another go. I knew I had gained all the weight I lost back and then some (going to the first meeting totally confirmed that!!) and I wanted to be proactive before I got really down in the dumps about it.

The new program?? Its great- I love it. I love that I can eat all the fruit I want and that foods have gone up in points. It really makes me more aware of what I'm eating and I like that. I like that it's almost forcing me to eat more fruit in a way. My body feels better and after 2 weeks on it I can feel some changes. I had only lost one pound after the first week but i feel its going to be a different story this week. I'm not one of those people who can lose a ton of weight right when starting a diet- it takes me a couple of weeks to get settled in new patterns and to kick start a loss. So hopefully I can make some real results this go around!

(also I have a family cruise coming up in June- if thats not motivation I dont know what is!)

I was thinking of getting the wii fit to get more active- its so cold out that I hate to take long walks and we definately can't afford a gym membership. Any thoughts from anyone that has one/used one? is it worth my money and does it actually help to get fit?

Saturday, January 29, 2011

Everything in its right place....maybe.

Hi ya'll

Sorry I have been so absent recently- there have been a lot of things happening in the Taylor household as of recent.

Life mainly, and all of the crap that goes along with it.

Our internet has been messed up again, so I can only use my husbands computer which I hate since it is specified to him and he is a total computer nerd, so basically its confusing and complicated to me, a computer dummy. So needless to say I stay off it and only use my broken iphone which doesnt let me do a lot.

Also our friend miguel has been staying with us for almost a month. He goes to school with James and was only back for the start of the semester and is leaving this week to go back to mexico to finish some work up with a band he was playing with down there. So he has been using the internet to work while he has been here, which has also kept me away from the computer.

But i think mostly I have stayed away from the computer because I am very homesick at the moment. Its easier to go about my daily chores and errands and watch tv and "numb out". When I go on facebook and blogger and I read about America or see things friends are doing back home I get very sad and its hard for me and my husband to be expressing these things constantly.

Its been so hard recently. ugh.

There are some days that I am SO SO ANGRY. and you know what? there is no one to blame, no finger to point. and that is frustrating.

I have been here almost 9 months, which is a drop in the ocean of time. Its nothing, but im so homesick. I just wanna go home. But i am home, and its upsetting.

(you will have to excuse my foul language for a moment here)

I miss everything. I miss my car, I miss my job, I missing the fucking streetlights. I even miss fucking wal-mart of all places. I miss my mom and sometimes even my bastard father. I miss my sister and her insane dog, I miss taco bell. I miss seeing dollar bills. I miss American accents. I miss "normal".

I was planning a trip home. But now that is laid to the wayside. I NEEDED to go home to do my taxes. That is still a necessity, but I may have to postpone those as well. This week we had some very detrimental financial bullshit happen. We have been getting social welfare, assistance, from the irish government. assistance that we are ENTITLED to per Irish law. My husband is in a program called "Back to Education" for mature students and gets the "dole" while he is in school. We were also able to get dependency for me through that and rent assistance. This on top of my meager salary has helped us pay our bills and buy groceries and put aside a little money every month and we have been comfortable on this money. Well things in Ireland have gone to shit financially in the last 2 months. My job has cut our hours severely and to put it very bluntly I am LUCKY to still be getting hours. My wages barely cover groceries and petrol at the moment.

Well without notice- the social welfare did a "means test" on my wages, based on a 40 hour week. Which i haven't worked in a while, and cut the money we are getting by two-thirds. And we lost our rent allowance. I know this is confusing unless you live in Ireland and aren't familiar with the system but basically we lost about 1,000 euros per month in one week with NO NOTICE. the money just wasnt there, and its not going to be there. so all of that money I saved for America?? its essentially gone. It now has to pay rent and bills. It sucks.

Don't get me wrong, I am grateful for the services that they provide here, and feel lucky that I am able to access some of them, and also understand that for me, an immigrant, they dont HAVE to provide them for me. But FUCK. we were depending on that money, and now its gone. In the moment we needed it the most, its gone. And it has sent me into a further cycle of depression. I have been looking for jobs, but in Limerick they are so so hard to get. This city has been hit particularly hard by the death of the "celtic tiger" and it is hard for immigrants, much less anyone else, to find jobs here. They hire irish first. (even though they deny it)

Its been a lot harder for me to be here than I ever thought it was going to be. I feel very resentful about Ireland. I don't like living here. I feel like somedays I only see the bad sides of the country and the government and none of the good sides. Some of that, I recognize, is the culture here. People like to "give out" about things. But at the same time, they are fiercely prideful of Ireland and being Irish. They are the first to talk their country down and the first to defend it to the death. Its hypocrisy at its finest and it is rightly earned by them. the rest of my attitude?? its all me. I'm just sad. I have no one else here to bounce my feelings off of. When I am sad and upset and talk to my husband about it, he doesn't understand and he feels immense guilt over my sadness, which in turn makes me feel bad. Its not his fault he lives here, he didn't hold a gun to my head and make me move here, it was my choice. But its still not easy.

I think that any person who moved abroad can identify with these feelings. Its definitely a unique situation i think. Its almost masochism in a way. Self inflicted pain sometimes. I may be being a little dramatic here, but somewhat accurate. I didn't have to move abroad, I'm the one who saved and gave up and left behind. But I'm also the one who is missing things and people and a lifestyle. I feel like sometimes I cut off my own right arm and now I'm complaining because I can't write with my left arm.

I'm hoping that these feelings will pass- they have too. They have to be growing pains, and soon I will adapt and I will be happy and content here. I won't resent the weather and the way people say things and when something isn't the same as back home. That I will come to embrace the differences and feel pride in the Irish people and culture. Right now, not so much. I am totally taking advantage of my opportunity. I havn't been to see these amazing sites, I drive past 1,000 year old ruins daily with no second thought. But I hope with time and growth I will appreciate these things. I hope that I stop having nightmares about family members dying far away and I hope that I can accept my decisions without second guessing myself constantly. For now, things aren't that way and its hard.

So I know that some people who read my blog want to hear about at lot of cool things in Ireland, and trust me there are plenty of cool and unique and funny things that I want to tell you about. I will get around to those, I promise. I just need time. I need time to adjust, time to get back to who I am, and to be happy. There are more things to ireland than some expat bitching about the weather and bureaucracy.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

once again....

Hi ya'll I promised I have not abandoned blogland....again.

we are having internet issues...again.

Stupid irish internet hamsters. I think they went on a wheel strike or something.

Anyways our router was sent back and we have promises of a new one being sent.

I am typing this on my husbands keyboard which is laid out all weird (well not really, but i like to complain about it.) and so I'll keep it short. And sweet :).

Ireland is still cold. And green.

My job sucks more if thats even possible. (but at least i have one! right!?!?? ugh.)

In good news though we got a house phone (i felt so OLD buying that. Like im an adult who does responsible things like have house lines. I dont know anyone else my age who has one. Isn't that weird how much things have changed...) But on the upside I can call the states for SUPER CHEAP now. My poor family doesnt know whats hit em yet wuhaha.

My accent is still changing. Today some guy thought I was canadian and when I told him I was American he DIDN'T believe me!! WTF? I have proof buddy! No offense to anyone from Canada- but seriously why would I lie about being from America?

I will be back to blogging all of those things i have been promising to blog about and actually keeping up on my little page. Just as soon as I get my internet hamsters going back again....

(but I'm enjoying lurking on everyones blogs from my rundown iphone!)

Friday, January 7, 2011

In todays news....

My good friends Dave and Aisling just moved to Toronto last week.

We were all sad to see them go to say the least- Dave and I grew really close the last couple of months since we were both working together. Needless to say this man kept me sane throughout my time at the shop.

They happpened to be interviewed by the local paper in Claire (neighboring county)while they were in the airport waiting to fly out. The title of the article is hilarious, especially since there were no tears upon them leaving! I dont think they interviewed Dave since his only quote would have been- " WHOO HOO CANADA!!" and they are only gone for a year.

But its still pretty awesome! I didnt get interviewed when I emigrated....grumble grumble grumble.

Oh and Dave's little bro Mark is climbing Everest in March and is aiming to be the youngest Irish person ever to summit Everest. Talk about Press hogs in that family hah!

Thursday, January 6, 2011

digging holes

Last night my husband and I were sitting together on the couch as we do most nights before we head off to bed.

I do most of my computer time on the sofa- I'm too lazy to dedicate myself to real computer time so i do it while doing other things, like cooking or watching tv. (so really im just fiddling on my computer pretending to pay attention to these things haha)

I usually write all of my blogs late at night next to James. Yesterday as we were heading to bed he asks me if I had written a blog. The conversation follows as such.

Rach- Yes I wrote a blog tonight, I usually do well on a tuesday.
James- Well what did you write it about?
Rach- oh you know, random stuff. Mostly about the new year and all the crap that happened the first few days. Have you been reading my blog?
James- Yes but I havn't in a little while.
Rach- Well what do you think about it?
James- its ok.
Rach- ok?? just ok?
James- yeah, its just ok.
Rach- *deadly stare*
James- What?!?
Rach- *makes motion of shovel digging*
James- (poor attempt at back tracking) what I MEANT was that I already know everything that happens in your blog!! So its nothing new!! Its good I swear!
Rach- *continues shovel digging motion* *more death stare thrown in*

Needless to say- I know where this man sleeps at night.

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Random Tuesday Thoughts- its a new year but im still behind from the last one. damn.


Hi everyone- welcome to 2011!!

My year starting out? a little rough around the edges. just a tad.

But the 4th day of the year? pretty fantastic if I say myself. Its amazing how little simple things can bring so much pleasure.
First of all I killed Christmas (I.E. I took down the decorations)- After all of the holiday celebrating and all of the drinking I was SO SO ready for it to be over. My tree lost its luster after being up for 6 weeks. I happily took down my decorations and somehow conned James into packing the pre-lit tree back in its box (those are so freaking hard to get back in the right way) and now my living room is looking bigger. and plainer. I need some pictures.
Secondly today we celebrated our two year anniversary of being together. Yes I know we just celebrated our one year marriage anniversary in November. I'll let you do the math. Don't judge, we aren't insane I swear. We went out and spent WAY too much on a fancy dinner at this Chinese restaurant just around the corner from our house. This is the first time we went to a restaurant this nice since we have been married so it was worth the indulgence :) (even though I freak about "wasting" money, he assures me its ok to treat ourselves. sigh. crazy me.)
And thirdly- and most exciting for me....I found one of my all time FAVORITE shows.

Clean house! Oh how I love you Niecy Nash and your telling it straight to cluttered homeowners. I love how they flip the house and have the yard house- I just love it all. I watched this show religiously back home and COULD NOT find it anywhere here. I happened to see a new channel that popped up mysteriously after the new year (Bravo disappeared- WTF. no more Dog. sucks.) and Wala there was clean house! I'm pretty excited about this. For some reason you cannot find this show anywhere online or are able to buy it. So score for Rach!

This New Years Eve I have to say was the best one yet. I had a great time with friends and James and I got my kiss at New Years and it was just all in all a good time. Lets just forget that at the beginning of the night I locked my keys in my car. I also dropped a butter knife in the door trying to pop the lock. So now when I turn corners you can hear the butter knife sliding around. I like to think it adds to the charm of the JBOD. (Jellybean of Death) Lets also forget that I had to pay 75 Euro the next morning to get my car unlocked. sigh.

Lets also forget that the next day at work I had a huge fight with a co-worker who completely threw me under the bus and put me in a really bad situation for no other reason that he was being a selfish jerk. He was frustrated and I was the person he was able to take his anger out on. It ended with me in tears and him getting chewed out by several people. My job is progressively worse and I am now back on the hunt for a decent place to work. I am tired of working late nights in a not so safe environment and being bullied and overall being treated like shit. Its getting to the point its not worth my paychecks and if I didn't love my husband and if I didn't freak out about finances I would have walked out with no problem. Fingers crossed the next few weeks bring good tidings on the job front.

I am focusing on good things for the new year. No resolutions- those bring expectations of results and pressure. I just want to keep on keeping. Keep on striving towards things that make me feel good about myself, make me a better wife, friend, sister, daughter.

ok so this post is turning very non-random. sorry.

There is this guy who comes in the shop every so often that looks EXACTLY like Van Gogh. Its creepy. Every time i see him I have to do a double check. And make sure he has two ears.

Even looking at this picture its creepy how much this guy looks like Van Gogh. I guess everyone has seven look alikes somewhere in this world.

Speaking of I have NEVER met anyone who looks like me. Not that I'm special or some kind of freak, I just haven't met anyone who looks like me. Neither has anyone that I know met someone who looks like me either. I never get that- oh wow you look just like so and so from anyone.

I am so ready for spring- anyone else with me on that?? The holidays are over- I'm ready for long days and warm weather. K Thanks.

My accent IS changing. I knew it. My husband and all my friends assure me- no, I promise, you still sound American. Nothing has changed. its very obvious. But I keep running across people that can't place where I'm from. I get everything from Australian to South African to Canadian and even once Northern Ireland (which is a laugh- if you ever heard anyone from the North you would understand- its a very distinct accent.). I get a lot of surprise when I say, no- I'm from the states. People assume Americans sound a certain way and I guess I don't fit that accent mold anymore.
Tonight I met a bunch of Americans traveling through on their way home- I was talking to them (I get excited when I run across Americans- its like normal people! sweet!) and I said I was from Virginia. One guy said- "Oh, so you were born in the states and then moved to Ireland?" I was like huh??!? I said uh no- I've only been living here for about a year. He was genuinely shocked- He thought I was Irish and only then after I said that I definitely wasn't could he tell that I did have an American accent. Either he was stupid or my accent has changed. (most likely a little bit of both, lets be honest here folks.)

I'm planning a trip home soon and I can't wait. I have to readjust that accent before it gets "worse" haha!

I hope everyone has a great beginning to their new year! I recently found a lot of great new blogs and I've been occupying myself trying to stalk them thoroughly...hopefully it will inspire me to blog more regularly...and get better at commenting!!