Bittersweet

Oh life, with your twists and turns.

Well I have come into a bit of luck lately. A little too much luck. (is there such a thing?)

Its all a little complicated so I won't get into details. But in the last couple of weeks I have been offered interviews left and right. I accepted each and every one of them (hey you never know) and then proceeded to fit them in my schedule somewhere.

I got offered one job (one which I really hoped to get) and I accepted it straight away. It is only a part time position but it's a company that has branches all over the UK, Europe and is now owned by the biggest electronics retailer in America. (I'm not naming names, you can figure it out for yourself haha) In my mind that says to me OPTIONS. I can move with this job. I can transfer. There is also a ton of upward mobility and opportunity with this job if I do well.

Then I had an interview the day after I accepted this job. I went despite accepting the offer because the job was only part time and I was worried about finances. I was offered a job on the spot. I asked them to wait a week before I told them yes or no. They were calling me 4 days later chomping at the bit to have me, promising me the first managers position that opened up. When I told them about the job I had already accepted they pretty much told me I had to work with them and no one else. So I then declined this position. (not as good of a company, pay was the same, not as much mobility in terms of countries.)

Then this morning I had a second informal interview with an Irish company. They sell high end kitchen supplies and home furnishings. The informal interview was basically to tell me you have the position. It was for a mangers job. Basically everything I have wanted since I moved here nearly 2 years ago. A managers job. In a small shop with normal working hours. I would love love love this job. But there is no mobility. small company, not a lot of room for promotion. Only three other locations in Ireland. If we move to Dublin next year I'm out of a job. And the nail in the coffin for me is that the store is located in the city centre here in Limerick. The city centre is dead. no one shops there, especially for high end kitchen wares. Who can really afford to splash out 60 quid for a single pan?? Not many people, especially here in Limerick. Taking this job, while everything I want, is a complete and total risk. So I go to the interview, its going great. Then I drop the bomb shell and inform this woman who I would be working with about the job I already accepted. I was basically told that I could only work the job there and not at the other place I had accepted. I told her I wasn't willing to give up that other job. She looked at me like I was an idiot. She probably did think I was an idiot. Who in their right mind would pass up a management spot (especially with all of my experience) for a part time job? I asked her if it was possible for them to let me work there part time that I would love that and that I feel that I would be a really great fit in the store, which she agreed, but told me she felt it wasn't possible.

I'm expecting my rejection email sometime early tomorrow.

I was absolutely gutted (as the Irish say) leaving the store. I was able to walk around the corner before I started crying. I felt like I just had one of those "turning point" moments where if I chose path A my life would be very different than if I chose path B. I started panicking thinking oh god, have I made the worst decision? What if path A is the wrong choice and I've just screwed myself completely?? I called James and he talked me off my emotional edge- kinda. I moved from panic to pity. All I could think of then was how long I waited and tried and failed and wished for an opportunity like this and how stupid I was to pass it up. I just felt so alone and tired and stupid and horrible.

Then I did something incredibly smart that I almost never do. I called my dad. It was incredibly early in America (around 6am) but he was up and answered. He is the one person that I know is really great about all things work related. I'm sure getting a call from his daughter first thing with her crying about jobs wasn't the highlight of his morning. But he really helped me see that I had made a sound decision. That thinking long term, while not beneficial in the short term will pay off. That some risks aren't worth taking even though they promise a lot. My dad and I don't get along that well, but today was nice. He was able to comfort and calm me down and be supportive which was exactly what I needed in that moment.

I guess basically what this post is all about is timing. Life doesn't work out the way we want it to. I hoped and hoped for interviews and job offers for months. I finally got them, but just too many at once. Any decision with work can be risky no matter how much you prepare. I just made the best decision I felt I could make with my resources and information I had at hand. So while it sucks that I couldn't make it work for a full time job, I'm really happy that I finally, FINALLY, got a new job, and I'm feeling ok about the choice I made.

Next step? Quitting the job I'm at now (thats right people, I've been too chicken to hand in my notice, and I'm scared about the pay cut.). I'm working both jobs at the moment and am working about 60 hours this week. (I'm just a little tired. just a tad.) but I will be handing in the notice friday. woooo hoooo!