I guess it all boils down to perspective

A friend posted this on facebook this morning- Along with complaints about how she is getting RAPED with these prices.


A year ago- I would have agreed whole-heartedly.

Now?

Well now is a different story.

I would LOVE to pay 3.29 for a GALLON of gas. I am nearly paying that much for a liter. (in dollars that is- its near 1.50 euros for a liter, you do the conversion) Its about 4.5 liters for a gallon of gas in America.

The math isn't hard here people.

That's nearly 10 American dollars for a GALLON of gas.

No, wait. lets be exact. I'm paying $9.27 per gallon.

A year ago I would have freaked out 3.29 a gallon. Now I'm paying 9.27 with no complaint. I understand now why everyone hates when Americans bitch about gas prices.

Don't get me wrong- I understand America is bigger, I KNOW that Americans drive more, not because we want to- but we HAVE to. I had a 45 minute commute to work each way back in the states. which wasn't that far. Here in Ireland that's almost unheard of.

I know the engine sizes are bigger in America, I know that the culture demands driving and demands cars. But now that its in perspective? I was spoiled. Spoiled by cheap prices, easy access.

I still drive here. Its a luxury though and not a necessity. I could ride the bus, or rather, several- to get to work. I could ride a bike. I can walk to the grocery store. I have a car because it was a conscious decision and I pay dearly for it. Its worth it for me because it gives me a sense of freedom that I don't feel i have otherwise. It makes me feel more "at home" than to not have a car.

So now, I don't bitch about the prices. I don't look down on other people complaining. I get it. I have now been on both sides. I also now understand how important it is for alternative options.

So $3.29? yeah I bet that stings, but enjoy it while you have it. The days of 1.30 for a gallon of gas are long gone now.

(oh and she was at BP anyways- why would she EVER buy gas from them...tsk tsk.)

Has it been a year already?

ok so this post is a little late, but- better late than never right??

Our one year anniversary was back in November. November 6th, to be exact. It just so happened that on that date this year the annual Prom was held.

Every year our group of friends (which is large and varied) throws a charity fund raising prom. Every year it is for a different charity- This year it happened to be for our friend Mark who is climbing Everest in 30 short days. (He is donating a euro to charity for each foot that the mountain is tall- that over 29,000 euros people- a lot of fundraising!) Well this year prom happened to fall on the date of our anniversary. James and I decided to go all out and get VIP tickets (which included a stay in the very nice hotel it was held at- our group of friends booked out the entire hotel!) and live it up. Your first wedding anniversary only happens once!

When we arrived at our hotel room our friends had ensured that there would be a little present waiting for us- A lovely chocolate bottle of champagne and a card which they all wished us well!

I thought it was such a sweet surprise! I was so happy that they had remembered us and felt it was a cherry on what promised to be a great night anyways! Well the surprises didn't end there.

We arrived downstairs as the prom began (it was a masquerade theme as you can tell by our masks) Basically the prom is an excuse for everyone to get dressed up and have a great time- in Irish terms that is DRINKING. and lots of it. No one had to worry about taxis and the hotel agreed to keep the bar open just for us all night- and trust me when I say, the Irish CAN and DO drink all night. Just like most Europeans actually. I just think the Irish get more excited about it haha.

Well so as things were getting under way- Our friend Jimi stands up and begins to speak. I KNEW something was up as soon as someone handed him the microphone. You see, Jimi is the reason why James and I know each other in the first place- I knew jimi for a few years before I met James, who was one of his friends.

Jimi called James and I up to the front of the room. He explained that we got married a year ago exactly. He then expressed his displeasure that not a single person from Ireland was at the ceremony and that they had decided to right this wrong. He was going to re-marry us- right then and there. And he just so happens to be an ordained minister (you know the internet type) for the specific purpose of marrying people in hilarious situations.

All of the sudden flowers matching my original bouquet from my wedding were thrust into my hands- the little bride top hat crammed on my head and James was pinned with a boutonniere. This was all planned, very sneakily.

And so we were remarried- a year to the date of the original. There were definitely a lot more people there than the first one and it was something I will NEVER forget. I was so shocked, and grateful that we had such thoughtful and amazing friends to do something like this.

(sappy sappy sappy i know)

well a few hours and several drinks later- the culmination of the evening was upon us. The crowning of Prom Queen and King. James and I were actually joking about it earlier in the afternoon that it would be funny if we got it, but knew we wouldn't cause we wouldn't vote for ourselves and no one would probably vote for us either. We would rather cheer someone else on.
And after everything else our friends had done for us we definitely wanted someone else to have some of the spotlight!

Well it wasn't to be- we ended up winning the crowns! everyone had several drinks in them by voting time and decided that we should end things with a bang.
(This is our friend Mark-the one climbing Everest in 30 days- crowing me. I'm pretty sure he was just trying not to poke an eye out)

I have to say- it was definitely out of the blue- James and I were actually outside when they called our names. A friend had to run and get us back in the banquet hall!
I personally found the entire thing hilarious (and had quite a few carlsburgs in me at the time, so most everything was hilarious) as you can tell by this picture.

I believe my train of thought was along the lines of- FINALLY!! It only took me 10 years after my senior prom but who's the Queen NOW?? haha. complex much???
It was an amazing anniversary. One that is going to be damn hard to beat and I'm ok with that. I feel so fortunate to have such great friends out here that made our first wedding anniversary really special and I can't wait for next years prom to pass on the crown and see whats in store!

(and if anyone is interested- Here is the website for Marks Everest climb. He is trying to be the youngest man in Ireland to climb Everest and he leaves for Nepal in under a month!)

Random Tuesday Thoughts- Its not actually tuesday anymore but it was when i started catching up on my reader.

Its tuesday again- no actually its wednesday- but its only 12:31 so that doesn't really count does it?

I just finished working 6 days in a row, no big deal, but when you are switching between working until 10 pm and 2am every night it wears you out.

Yesterday was a gorgeous day here in Ireland. the sun was out, the birds singing. Today, on my day off in which i ran errands all day? It was raining- that slow soft, but persistent rain that soaks everything despite coat and umbrella. Oh weather irony must you be so cruel?

My iphone tells me there is a chance for sun thursday. fingers crossed.

So my hints worked- James bought me the newspaper album from Radiohead. I can now obsess (in 2 months time of course) the way I want to. materialistically. They have such great products and artwork. I loved the set I got for In Rainbows and I can't wait for the new set. Must get a record player to listen to the vinyls.

Is this just me or do men with long fingernails gross you out? me? completely. Even if they are kept clean and even- still disgusting in my book. I have a total aversion to it and hate taking money off men with long fingernails. (i tend to remember the people that gross me out and save potty trips for those times- i know, im evil. I can deal with that.)

I went back to my WW meeting today. Tail between my legs and all. I went off the rails the last week and a half with all of the stress of james being in the hospital and my schedule being completely flipped upside down. I didn't go insane and eat myself into a coma or anything, but i definitely didn't track a thing. I thought for sure it would have been some insane number, but thankfully it was only a pound. And I was wearing soaking wet jeans and bad shoes to weigh myself in. So It was probably even less than that. So huzzah! But no more excuses!

So the big election is on friday here in Ireland. They are voting in (hopefully) a new political party into power. The one that has been in place, well lets just say its fallen from favor. No surprises there. This is a party that everyone's grandparents have been voting for for years now and no one has cared enough before to do anything about it. Well now that they are up shit river with no paddles and a burning boat all of the sudden everyone has their panties in a bunch. I don't have a vote so while I've been watching and listening, its been very passive. I do really hope that a good party gets in that will actively make good and smart decisions for this welfare of this country and the citizens cause lord knows we need it.

Speaking of- the differences between how elections are run here and America have been interesting. Essentially this is like a run for President. But there are no commercials on TV or radio with politicians trashing one another. Nor are there signs doing any smack talk. There isn't really of it to be found (unless you read the newspapers or watch RTE but I religiously avoid both print and nightly news in this country- i find more reliable information on the internet-at least i think). Its really refreshing not to have every other commerical not be some crooked politician talking about 30 year old rumors of their opponent. "did they inhale? What were their grades?" WHO CARES??
So its been refreshing to have a campaign and not have to listen to all that crap!



I had more to say but James walked in the office and threw me off my rambling groove. I had to concentrate on the evil stare and my mind can only do so much in one go.

This blog makes me laugh even on days where I don't want to laugh. I wish I had her mad microsoft paint skills.

Looking on the bright side

Its been a really really tough week in the Taylor house.

I do feel like I'm floundering a little over here. Its really hard without my family and my support group around me. I know that we have Jame's family and they are supportive, but its not the same ya know?

I was already dealing with homesickness and a crappy job, so dumping this on top was super hard.

I'm trying to show a good face to the world- today though, it was harder than normal. It was one of those days where you have a lump in your throat all day.

I've been using this blog as an emotional dumping ground, which has helped. And I thank you all for your kind words and your patience with me. :)

I've decided that since I can't afford therapy and I can't afford a plane ticket home, That I need to look at the things in my life that are good.

So here are 5 things that I am thankful for TODAY

1. My home. I love this house. I am so thankful that we are able to still pay our rent, despite all the financial BS. I am so thankful to finally have a home that I LOVE.

2. Radiohead came out with a new album and they released it a day early! I am a HUGE radiohead fan. I'm hoping that my not so subtle hints about wanting the collectors edition for my birthday sinks through Jame's head. (HINT HINT)



Great song! dancing is a little weird, but I still like it :)

3. I am thankful for my job. No matter how terrible it is, I have a job. I am hoping that I can say that i have a new one in the near future though.

4. Youtube. Silly I know, But I've been on a youtube kick. every single CD playing device in this house is broken in some form or another, and as fate would have it, I have lost my itunes 3, yes THREE times over. Its been great racking my brains for music I love and remembering good times with friends. (or watching it on TRL with my sister after school!)

5. Our house phone. I can call the states for so cheap now. Its been so nice during this whole ordeal being able to call my mom without worrying about a huge bill staring me in the face at the end of the month. (although after all of my phone time last week, it may be hefty lol)

And like my good friend jenni always tells me, if I can't take it a day at a time, then an hour at a time, and if I can't do that, then a minute at a time works just as well.

The Triumphant Return

James came home from hospital yesterday!



A bad iphone picture- but we were waiting to be discharged. Which took forever. for no reason. SIGH. I don't ever want to have to go to hospital in this country again. (knock on wood!)

Well we found out what was going on with him. It's not good news. Not as bad as it could be, but still no good.

He doesn't have diverticulitis like they were telling us. He has Ulcerative Colitis.

I still have a limited knowledge on the subject, so forgive me if I give incorrect information.

BUT- from what I understand, this is a bastard cousin of Crohn's Disease. This is a chronic illness and will affect him for the rest of his life. In fact- He has had it for years, or symptoms for years, he most likely has had it for life already.

James has always had a finicky stomach, and there has been things in the past I have thought as odd, and even made comments to him on. After reading some of the symptoms and thinking back, I think, oh god, thats what it was. Well damn.

Basically there is no cure. The only cure is the removal of the entire colon- which obviously we DON'T want to do that. They don't even understand what causes it. There is obviously a genetic link, and after talking to his mom, we found out his grandmother was diagnosed with it shortly before she died and was suffering the symptoms for years previous.

There are thankfully plenty of medicines and treatments available, but they are only for suppressing the disease and not getting rid of it. James will be on medication the rest of his life.

Right now he is on three medications, paracetamol (like Tylenol- which they dont have in this country), a steroid which is an immune suppressant (and I'm keeping him away from people as much as possible while he is on this cause he won't be able to fight off colds and such), and another medicine for the illness. The third is the one he will be on for, well, ever.

James is actually ok with the diagnosis and the fact that he will be dealing with it for life. Hes actually better with it than me. I'm pretty upset and don't think about it too much because it makes me wanna cry. He said this morning that there is no reason to dwell on it, whats done is done and he is just going to go forward with everything.

Some good things though are that right now his illness is very mild (there is nothing to say that it will stay that way, but with medication and watching his diet it will hopefully stay mild) and is very treatable for the time being. Some people have to have steroid injections daily. He is not there- yet. (as his doctor told us this morning.) His doctor told us that many people go on and live very normal lives with this illness and to not stress to much about it. James needs to eat colon healthy foods and find out what works for him. NOT high fiber as he was advised previously.

Some scary things is that this illness can very easily lead to colon cancer. The link between the two is disgustingly high. He will have to be regularly checked out from now own- regular colonoscopies and biopsies. Another thing is, if he continues to have bad attacks, they will take his entire colon. Two very real and scary possibilities.

But these are all extreme things. He is still really young and relatively healthy. And for the moment, he is in a great mental state and is really excited to work on getting his body in the best place it can be.

For me, I am of two minds about the entire thing. On the one hand, I am very happy that he is doing better and that we have a diagnosis. These types of diseases can take a very long time to diagnosis and James was figured out very fast. Now we know what we are up against and can act accordingly. On the other hand I am sad. I am sad for him and I am sad that this entire thing has happened. I know this is a very young attitude, but you feel like these kinds of things won't happen. Not to you and not this young. I am a little angry and a lot upset. But this is part of life, I just need some time to absorb the situation and deal with it.

And for right now? I'm really happy to have him home.

Finally!!

I just wanted to write a quick update...

James had his CT Scan this afternoon. I had to run some errands in town and was able to get to the hospital right at 3pm. He was being wheeled in the room right as I walked in.

He looked almost normal and was in a great mood. It feels like this horrible experience is coming to some sort of conclusion.

(he was eating toast and telling me not to take pictures of him while eating toast hah!)

I feel like a weight has been lifted off my shoulders. no more fasts. And hopefully a full diagnosis and the next step home!!

Random Tuesday Thoughts- I wish my coffee cup had an auto refill option

I am playing Random Tuesday with Keely again. And its been a hell of a week since last tuesday.

First of all- an update....I got a text off of James this morning. He has been scheduled for his CT today!!! its scheduled for 2pm- right at visiting hours time so I shouldn't show up until around 3. I'm ok with that. IT BETTER BE DONE WHEN I GET THERE THOUGH. If not expect rage of torrential proportions.

I will be SO relieved when it has been done. I will be ok even if they keep him another day. Then at least they wont be denying him food and water.

And a side note on all this hospital crap- I think i picked up something from being there so much. this is no good. fingers crossed I didn't. But my raging headache is telling me something different. I'm hoping its stress and nerve induced though!

I have been on a total 90's kick of music lately. Pandora does not work in this country- even though it USED to. It stopped shortly before i moved here. jerks. So I use youtube for my music fix. This week I was trying to think of some songs i loved back in the day- I had forgotten how much great music bands like the counting crows, three doors down, goo goo dolls and ben folds had put out. I think it is totally true that the music you liked as a teenager will stick with you. I think kids today would think of it as either depressing or completely lame. But I have great memories attached to these songs.

So i got this pushed through my mail slot first thing this morning....


Gee thanks Jehovah's Witnesses...I'm glad to know the end is near. I mean, 2012 is just right around the corner right? Also the mooses (meese?) chilling in the field with the pumpkin loving people, its just great art right there. Who doesn't love doomsday messages at 9 am??

I love this blogger Tulpen. I've been following her blog, somewhat uncommenty since it was another blog. She makes me laugh cry and wish i was a better writer. She had a great post today. Had me crying first thing, good tears though.

Then this had me laughing immediately afterwords.....Its kinda true, not really, but it seems like it some days!

I hope everyone has a great tuesday and I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for good news today!

Imcompetence

Went to visit James at the hospital today to bring him his Valentines day present. Nothing major, just a card and a DVD to watch on his laptop.

I got there and he was laying in bed, gray and so weak he was unable to sit up.

I immediately went into alarm mode.

You see, this morning he was supposed to have a CT scan done. Last night they put him on a fast at midnight. No food, no water.

That's fine if you are having your scan in the morning. it was nearly 3pm at this point.

I talked to james for a few minutes to calm down and assess the situation. I was unsure of what I should do. In the states I would know EXACTLY what do it. but in Ireland, the healthcare system is different and the hospitals are run differently.

I went to the nurses station and asked them why he hadn't had his scan yet. Of course no one knew anything. They said that there was a line for the machine and that he was waiting. Well no, thats not true. Another man in his room was scheduled for a CT that morning, had already had his fast and his scan. James's paperwork was put in last night- should have had his first thing this morning.

So they called radiology. I waited. I asked if he could at least have a little water, he was so dehydrated.

They said no, not before his scan.

Nurse finally comes in. Said that someone lost his paperwork after they filed it last night for his scan. That radiology didn't even KNOW he was supposed to get a scan today. She said that they were going to send his paper work again for his CT. No apologies of course.

So I ask if he can have water. They say no. So then I say well then is he going for the scan now?? or is he going to be bumped up in line?? They say no. He has to wait.

I began to get very scared and very angry. Holding back tears I call his mother. I tell her what was going on- she flips out and is screaming down the phone, F*&$% incompetence all around she screams- she screams that he better get some F*%^& water and is just as upset and feels just as helpless as I did.

James has only had toast once in four days. That does not a meal make. His body has been put through the wringer and obviously is not coping with the fast. At this point it had been 16 hours with no food or water.

I go back out in the hall to plead his case with the nurses. As I walked out in the hall I saw a friend of ours Shane. I had completely forgotten that he was a nurse and that he worked at the hospital there. I nearly broke down in tears when I saw him. He was shocked to see me- He had no clue James was there and was so ill. He immediately dropped what he was doing and came with me to James room. He checked his vitals and agreed with me- James wasn't doing so well and his nurse was a dumbass and needed either his scan or some water and food immediately.

He left to go raise hell and I went to plead for water again. Finally another male nurse agreed to give him some swabs soaked in water to put in his mouth to comfort him. Shane was able to get James nurse to give him an IV for dehydration.

( I am nearly in tears writing this...it was such a ridiculous situation)

James began to feel better with the swabs and the IV. No water or food yet. I had been there nearly two hours. I went to speak with the head nurse of the floor. I explained what was going on and my displeasure and was told that it was a hospital and that people are treated by priority. I told her that wasn't the case- that HER PEOPLE had messed up, made a mistake and that my husband was suffering as a result. I asked her WHY no one had thought to question why he was STILL on a fast all day when he wasn't scheduled for the procedure he was fasting for?? How they could let an ill person who has had basically no nutrition in 4 days starve for at this point 17 hours?? No explanations and no apologies.

After Shane pushing our case some more and after several more calls to radiology they decide that he wasn't going to have the scan today. (obviously it was nearly 5pm at this point) They tentatively scheduled him for the exam Tuesday and said ok he could eat. I had raised hell with about every nurse on the floor and they were finally paying my husband attention.

They got him food and let him drink. I sat down and started to cry. Even though the problem was sorted for the moment, I was so angry and upset that this situation was even allowed to happen. He was forgotten in the corner. No one would accept blame for the situation and no one really seemed to care all too much.

My husband is so quiet and he was feeling so ill he would have never raised hell like I would.

Now not only do I have to worry about his illness and what that means for us now and in the coming days and weeks, but that he isn't being cared for in the hospital. I can only visit twice a day and there are long periods where I don't have access to him. I SHOULDN'T have this concern. And I'm so pissed that now i do.

The nurses won't tell me for sure if he will have his scan tomorrow or not. If he doesn't I'm going to ask that he be released and sent home. The only reason why he is still in that hell hole of a hospital is for the scan. I would rather him be at home where i can keep an eye on him and KNOW he is taken care of. They can do it as an outpatient procedure. I have to work the next several nights and won't be able to see him at all until the weekend if he isn't released tomorrow and I'm too worried that something else like this may crop up.

I don't want to take any more chances on playing with his health.

And its days like this, that I really want to be home.

Nom Noms

He finally got to eat today after no meals for two days. Water only.

I have to say I've never seen anyone happier eating toast!

Hes getting a CT scan tomorrow- we thought he might be out tomorrow evening but now its looking more like Tuesday or Wednesday.

I'm fine with that as long as he is on the mend.

We discussed some major lifestyle changes for both of us tonight and we both feel really good about them. I think it will be good for us not only physically but mentally and as a couple.

little steps, but good steps. :)

No Surprises....unfortunately.

I was right. But it's not the kind of right where you bask in the satisfaction of being proven correct. Rather its more of the sinking realization of what you didn't want to be true actually happening.

Remember in my previous post where I said that we had figured out what was going on with James? well my hunch was correct. There was something else going on.

Friday morning he woke up in absolute agony. He woke me up because he was moaning so loudly from the bathroom. I got out of bed and asked him what was going on- asked him if he wanted to go to the hospital. He said no, I don't know. I told him to try eating something and take more of that damn fiber medicene.

About 15 minutes later I heard him yelling for me in the kitchen- I jumped out of bed and he came staggering in the room and fell in my arms crying because he was in so much pain. It was a pretty frightening thing- I was freaked out and I'm sorry to say I didn't handle it so well. I was pretty harsh with him trying to get him to figure out exactly what he wanted and how I could help him.

I decided to take him to the doctors as soon as the office opened. We got there about 5 minutes before they opened the office- He signed in and we waited for about 10 minutes in the waiting room. Once we got in the doctors office I told the doctor (a different one from his normal doctor, thankfully)everything that happened in the last week and what his regular doctor had told him, that he just needed more fiber and that he was constipated. This doctor examined him for all of two minutes, wrote a hasty note out and told me to rush him straight to the ER.

I drove right to the regional hospital which thankfully is a five minute drive from the doctors office and dropped him off at the door to the main entrance. It only took me a few minutes to find a parking spot, but in that time they had taken him right back into the ER. No waiting for him- thank god it was so early in the day. We only had to wait a half hour in the ER to be seen, which is no time at all for Ireland.

He was poked, prodded, blood was taken, an IV was hooked up. We waited for the blood results. The ER doctor was hoping that it was a simple infection in the lower colon. Blood and stool results were inconclusive. So then an X-ray was taken. That was inconclusive as well. Big names were being thrown around like Crohn's Disease and diverticulitis.

We were there about 4 hours at this point. The doctor told us he was having a gastrointestinal surgeon coming to look at him. They weren't sure exactly what was going on and he is so young to be having these kinds of problems they wanted to be really sure before telling him it was something it might not be.

Finally later on that day he sees the surgeon, more poking and prodding much to James' displeasure. But thankfully he was on painkillers at this point and in quite good spirits considering the circumstances. They said that it seems to be diverticulitis. But hes so young, they aren't sure and they won't be until they have a CT scan of his stomach.

They then decide after about 7 or 8 hours to check him in and keep him in overnight on observation. He was taken up to the trauma unit and put in a room with 6 other men. He had plenty of fluids and antibiotics flowing in his system and a 9 hour IV bag for the night. He was so dehydrated since his family doctor gave him medicene which induced diarrhea, which was making whatever was going on with his colon even worse than it should have been.

I left the hospital yesterday around 9pm- I got home 12 hours after we left the house in a rush. Completely exhausted and shell shocked. I'm happy that he was taken in and checked out. I KNEW something was wrong. I knew it wasn't fiber. fiber my ass.

I went and saw him today at the hospital- They decided to keep him until monday. He is on a stict no food fasting. only water- not even tea. He is feeling well enough to bitch about not eating, and bitch about his "room mates" not finishing thier dinners- HAH! I went to Tesco and bought him some flavored water for his "dinner".

I feel horrible about leaving him there in that room, I hate that he isn't home with me, I hate being here alone all night and I hate the most that he is ill. I hate that my sneaking suspicions were right. and I hate that his GP was quick to diagnose him with consipation and lack of fiber when he had symptoms that are unusual for someone his age.

They are pretty sure that he has Diverticulitis. The surgeon told him that if it walked and talked like it, then that is what it probably is. They won't say for sure until they have that CT scan which will be sometime next week. But realistically- that is most likely the case. James' dad was diagnosed with it just a few months ago. But he is in his 50s- the normal age range for someone to get it. James is about 30 years too young. It just worries me because I know now that he is going to have to make some major changes or face consequences like major surgery or a colostomy bag.

Don't get me wrong, I know this isn't the end of the world, and I am thankful its not more serious than it is. Its still upsetting though and its definately an unpleasant reality check.

I'm just looking forward to getting some answers and information and of course getting James home. And I'm hoping our string of bad news has run its course early in 2011 and things will go onward and upward from here.

Hypochrondria anyone?

Yeah so I should never ever look at those Webmd websites.

We found out kinda sorta what was going on with hubs. Basically he needs more fiber in his diet. I don't know about all of this cause he's 26 years old and in my opinion WAY too young to have these sort of issues. I know his diet isn't the best but its definitely not the worst. I have a sneaky suspicion that there is something else underlying here. But I'll hope for the best and be ready for whatever else may crop up.

ANYWAYS- I decided to look up some high fiber foods and diet plans that would be realistic for my extremely picky husband to start eating. As I am sleuthing around on different diet and medical websites I notice several other links to different medical article. With catchy (i.e. terrifying) photos included.

I click on a photo of a rare form of skin cancer. Apparently it manifests itself in several ways. It just so happens that about 5 years ago I got a bump out of nowhere on my right shin that looks similar to the picture that is heading the article.

A little bubble of worry starts to grow deep within my stomach. Thoughts start floating around in the back of my head...

...Abuelo had skin cancer...but he like, lived on the equator. Thats why...right??

...Oh crap, I used to go to the tanning bed a lot....

...NAHHH, Rach, Calm down your fine, The bump has been there FIVE YEARS. If there was anything to it, you'd know by now!

I for some reason, I guess cause I really just HATE to sleep or something, continued out of sick fascination to click on more and more articles.

so basically, after 30 minutes of reading on these medical websites I came to a conclusion....I should have died last tuesday around 4:30 in the afternoon.

I talked myself into about 4 terminal illnesses and perhaps a mild case of a skin rash.

I then went into the kitchen where my husband was cooking a high fiber dinner. He takes one look at me and says- "what happened?!? why are you so pale??"

I told him what I just did to my poor little brain and then proceeded to curl up on the sofa in a little ball of paranoia.

I am SO calling my doctor in the morning. Ya know, just in case. I have this free healthcare I may as well use it, right??

(oh and P.S. totally off topic, but I just tried to "like" an email my mom sent me. I think I may be using facebook a LITTLE too much. maybe.)

Is there such a thing as dumbass proofing?

Cause if so, I need it.

So yesterday between my one hour of sleep, running husband to doctors, going to my WW weigh in and getting ready for work I was a little scatterbrained.

By the time I was leaving for work I felt pretty good about my morning so far. James was all taken care of, left on the couch with juice and water, I was actually going to be 5 minutes early for work and my hair was looking good.

I go outside to my car, hop in. Seat belt on, car in neutral, parking brake off. Key in ignition, turn...nothing. (huh??) Turn key again. Nothing. (WHAT??) Look down at the light switch. Its turned to ON. ($#*&^!!!)

I left my lights on. GAH.

There is no dingy noise for when you leave your lights on. Like most cars now a days. the Jelly Bean of Death is all hardcore like that. Pretty much if you drive this car you better have your stuff together cause if not you'll be sitting there like a big 'ol dummy like I was yesterday.

I run back inside all flustered like, I decided to call my MIL since she is a stay at home mom and even though she is fairly busy, she is always willing to help cause she's awesome like that. She happened to not be at home and away from her car, So no help there, no worries. The problem was, while I needed to go and call a cab company to get a taxi to work, she had a sudden attack of talkitiveness. She was asking a bajillion questions and was telling me some long drawn out story. Normally I enjoy conversations with her, this was not the time. After about 5 minutes of my silent hurry up please please please dance I was finally able to butt in and tell her that I needed to go and call a taxi and thank you so much and another time and so forth and so on.

I call a taxi.

Taxi arrives, drives me to work. Driver was nice fella. They always ask me if I'm from america and wonder why the HELL I'm living in Limerick. I completely agree with this statement most days.

Get to work. Taxi cost 12 euros (I'm thinking what the HELL, how does it cost THAT much) I swallow my cheapness and pay the man.

*BTW this was the worst week for this to happen since I have now all of 4 euros to last me until friday. hurray for working part time. *

Anyways- This morning my FIL comes over to jump my car. Now this is a man who is always in a rush, even when there is nothing going on. Its like if he doesn't do whatever he is doing at top speed then its not worth doing. You should see him eat dinner- he should seriously enter contests. ok, thats besides the point.

He hooks up the cables, but in his rush doesnt notice that he hooked up the wrong ones in my car. As he puts the last cable on there is a shower of sparks. I say to him- "Ummm pretty sure that shouldn't have happened." He went to start his car. dead.

DAMNIT.

We then spent the next ten minutes getting his car started, which basicially involved him steering it around and me pushing it back up the road of our complex. I bet it was a great show for the neighbors morning cup of coffee.

We finally got my car started with no problems after all of that.

and now I need some dumbass proofing on my car. I can forsee this happening again.

Random Tuesday Thoughts- sometimes some people just need a good kick in the teeth.

Its tuesday once again, and once again I am using my blogging crutch to get me through my period of total un-inspiration. But go check out keely- Shes pretty awesome :)

I got about an hour of sleep last night- thats rounding up. Between trying to fix my sleeping pattern back again (thanks work!) and a sick husband tossing and turning and flailing all night sleep was a challenge to say the least.

so needless to say my patience is paper thin today. Thank goodness I only have 9 hours of work ahead of me. har har.

Weighed in this morning at WW- no great weight loss this week. infact, I stayed the same as last week. I'm actually ok with this- I didn't have that great of a week so I'm glad I didn't GAIN anything. This week will be a different story though. Maybe its portion sizes? Maybe its eating too late at night (sometimes this is unavoidable with working nights and all)- I donno. I'll have to figure something out though.

I caught James watching Sex and the City last night when I came home. He says he was too sick to change the channel. LIES!!! I finally caught him in the act. He must be an in the closet fan. MUST be. Now he can't complain when I watch and he happens to be in the room with me.

Now that I can't go home until June I've been contemplating going on a weekend trip somewhere here in Ireland. I honestly havn't seen much in and around the country and I am going INSANE stuck here in Limerick. I think getting out and being touristy for a day or two would really help me get my mind sorted. I just don't really know what I want to go and do. Dublin is too obvious and I've been there and a lot of other places are kinda of inconvenient to go and see. Apparently Waterford sucks- So if you have ever been dying to go there because you love the crystal, dont bother. My husband suggested going to see the Book of Kells, which I think would be pretty cool since the images are so amazing. He also want to see some solstice thing, Newgrange, Which I KNOW is a hill with a hole in it.


Not exactly trip of the year in my book. And I can almost guarantee that it is stuck in the middle of nowhere and takes an hour and a half from dublin by bus and we will be there for 15 minutes and it will take an hour and a half back. Seriously I sound like such a bitchy old lady right now. I'm tired, gimme a break.

Anyways who knows, anywhere different would be nice I think.

I have read all of my new books and I am rereading some at the moment. I think I need to find some new authors or series of books. Any suggestions? I heard the hunger games were good but I can't find them here....

I love this commercial.

While I'm posting youtube....

such good memories.

I hope everyone has a great tuesday and I hope I make it through without seriously harming anyone. Unless, of course, if I run across the person who made this website. He will not leave unscathed.

This is what happens....

When your sleep patterns get completely screwed up.

Every. Single. Week.

Now that I've been reduced to working part time I have four days during the week to get my sleep pattern sorted. In bed by midnight, read a little bit. Snuggle with the hubs, sleep.

Then- the other three nights- I'm working late. The earliest I get home is 11pm. I'm usually too wound up by then to really get quality sleep time. I end up in bed by 2 at the earliest. The worst part? I have three days in a row- one day I work until half ten, the next- until two-freaking-o-clock in the morning. inhumane i tell you. Then the next day I work until half 10 again.

After this three day period my sleep pattern? shot. its now 3:38 am and I am wide awake. Wishing i was in bed with James snuggled up and fast asleep but I know that's not possible. And if i was in bed right now I would be keeping him awake. sigh.

So instead I watched tv- hunched over infront of the space heater with my woolly blanket. Then I eventually smell burning. I look down to see I have melted the front of my slipper on the space heater. You know, the one I'm WEARING.

I decided that maybe sitting in front of the space heater was hazardous to my health. And toes.

So now I'm in the office- sitting NEXT to a different space heater. Toes and blanket (kept it with me) appropriately spaced from the device.

It has been a terribly windy day, it seems that tomorrow will be the same- all i can hear, over the space heater, is the wind howling around the house. Hopefully it won't be raining as well tomorrow- It was literally raining sideways most of the evening.

We finally had a bit of good news today. James got his grant. (he should have had it in November. They have been jerking us around for MONTHS now) So he gets to pay tuition and gets himself a new shiny (much needed) computer. And we have a little breathing room. Whew.

I got a call from a job that I applied for. Oh irony. It was tesco, again. The job ad never said the company that they were looking for a manager for. I interviewed with tesco a few months back. Its honestly my dream job at the moment. Its pretty much exactly what I did and loved and excelled at back home working for target. When I had my interview in October I was pretty much told I had the job- Was told my pay and expected hours and even employee benefits. Everything but this is your start date and here is your name tag. I came home on cloud nine.

But then, I never got a phone call. Instead I got a letter. Thanking me for my interest, but that I wasn't qualified for the position. a lie. Bold-faced lie infact. The district manager told me himself I was EXACTLY suited to the position. I called to try and find out what happened, what went wrong and of course, every time i called someone was in a meeting. How convenient.

Anyways, long story short- So now I may or may not be up for another Tesco job. I'm not holding my breath. I would LOVE to get that opportunity. It opens so many doors for me. I'm split between thinking this is fate that I get a second chance or its a very mean joke from the job gods.

I just wish sometimes I could go up to someone, anyone, that could give me a great job- grab them by the shoulders and say- " I am the BEST thing that will happen to your company. Just hire me and give me the chance to show you."

I went and had a tea date with a friend yesterday. I don't really know her terribly well- she runs in our large circle of friends, but whenever we are out and I've been able to talk to her I've always really enjoyed my conversations with her. So I decided to be quite forward and ask her out. Haha it almost felt like going on a first date! I went to the wrong place at first and was all nervous and awkward when i finally showed up 5 minutes late.

We ended up having a great time though. We chatted for two hours and three cups of tea. (I'm talkative if you couldn't tell so that's never HARD for me. HAH) She told me that she was actually nervous before meeting me (i wasn't the only one hurray!) but that shes really glad I wanted to meet up. I really like this girl, But i don't want to be all forward crazy like "lets be best friends forever, can I braid your hair???" I have a great group of friends here, but the girls I have gotten super close to all either live far away or have babies. I would really like to get close to some girls and have people to meet up for a coffee or see a movie with. I'm really missing having close friends like that around me. So who knows? I'm hoping something good happens. I feel all middle school awkward about budding friendships again. But since I'm in Ireland for the foreseeable future I think making some solid roots is in order.

seriously...this wind is making me paranoid. I feel like I'm listening to the sound track of someone in a tent in the arctic. It may be also that it is now 3:53 and I am up, like a hermit with a woolly blanket, hunched over a laptop.

Stupid sleep pattern.

I believe I am going to go and attempt to correct this.

Random Tuesday Thoughts- they're random most days, but tuesday will do

its that time of week again people, tuesday. I'm playing again, i haven't done it in a few weeks but its fun! you should totally go check Keely out over at Un-mom, shes pretty awesome, dancing raisins and all.

So our house kinda has two front doors. We live in the corner of our building so we have two doors that we can access easily. I think the builder got confused when numbering our house and putting on the doors. Our "back door leads into our front hallway, and our "front door" (with the house number and mail slot) leads into the back of our kitchen. So we use our "back door" as our front door and our "front door" as the back door. confused yet?
Well since our house is so open its hard to tell sometimes which door gets a knock- our friends know to come to the "back door" so that is the door we open first- Just a minute ago there was a knock at the door- I yell "Hold on a minute!!" and run and get the keys- open the back door and there is no one there but an old lady with her dog in the green space....hmmm. So I go to the "front door" there was a man there with a clip board and name tag. I nearly shut the door in his face I was terrified that it was the TV license man and he finally tracked us down...There is NO WAY we can afford that this week! Thankfully it was just a door to door salesman. I coulda hugged him, but instead politely blew him off. PHEW.

Went to my WW meeting this morning.... 3.5 pounds down! woo hoo! makes 4.5 in two weeks. not too bad! would be better if i was more active. I should have lost 4 pounds this week though, and I am blaming that half pound squarely on my husband! Yesterday i was trying to "fast" and eat mainly zero points food (i know, i know that's not the point of the plan, but gimme a break i wanted a good number)Well shortly before i went to bed I sat down with a cup of tea. James had left a package of digestives out....the temptation was too much. I had one. (and when i say one, I actually mean five.) I then went into the office and told him that he shouldn't leave yummy biscuits laying around when all his wife ate was fruit all day. poor man, he never wins.

and BTW because i know anyone from the states who hasn't had much exposure to Ireland or Britain has NO CLUE what a digestive is....They are cookies....or biscuits as they say here....(when will they EVER learn to use english correctly- SIGH!! (haha i kid i kid)) and they are sweet- perfect to dip in a cup of tea. My first exposure to them was when i was backpacking through Europe with James before we got married. I seriously thought they were a constipation medication of some form and refused to eat them because I thought i was going to be stuck in the bathroom all night if i did.
It took him a while to convince me that digestives were NOT laxatives LOL. They are actually one of my favorite snacks now, definitely my favorite biscuit here, cause seriously people, the cookies SUCK here. Oh, and digestives are the closest thing you get to graham crackers here. They are essentially the same except the taste isn't as honeyish as graham crackers. For instance, when you make a cheesecake here, you crush up digestives for the crust.

Anyways, enough about digestives...(can you tell I'm on a diet??)

Miguel left for Mexico again about an hour ago- it was nice having him here, he was staying with us for about a month. I'm so happy we have that spare bedroom- It worked out well since he pretty much had the entire back of the house to himself. Now I know it won't be an issue when people come to stay....if they ever do...AHEM. I will miss having someone else around to talk to and joke around with. Not that James isn't great conversation- its just that sometimes getting details out of him is like trying to get blood from a turnip.

I really need to sign myself up for a drivers theory test. I hate that even though im fully licensed I have to go through the entire process of getting a license here. If i don't hurry up and get my full Irish license before April I will be screwed! In April they are changing the laws which means, even though I'm fully licensed I will have to take 20 lessons before I can get my license. that's around 600.00 Euro folks. there is NO WAY I am willing to pay that kind of money for someone to teach me something I've been doing for over a decade. That's more than what I paid for the JBOD in the first place!!

I have to go and get ready for work....I can feel the internet sucking me back in with its flashy graphics and bright glow.....damn job. And its sunny today as well. damnit.

ah well! Hope everyone has a great tuesday!!