My head: Wrecked.

There is an expression here in Ireland (im pretty sure we dont use it in america....im starting to get confused on little things like expressions and ect.) - My head is wrecked....meaning you could be hungover, have a headache or be stressed out. (there is also an expression "wrecking my head" but thats more for when someone or something is annoying)

Well consider my head wrecked.

I'm not hungover, I dont have a headache, but I'm just so stressed and disappointed. and I'm so sick of feeling this way.

Living here in Ireland hasn't been a very smooth ride for me. I struggled quite a bit my first year and now that I'm halfway through my second year I feel like I havn't gotten any further towards goals and dreams that I have for my life here.

I feel so stuck. Trapped.

I had a good job in america. I had a good car. great friends. comfortable life.

I left it all behind. and sometimes....I really really regret it. Sometimes I just want to go home. I want to wave the white flag, stick my head in the sand. No more.

I went home for 3 weeks. It was great. I came back feeling refreshed- thinking "ok I can do this- I WILL get a new job I WILL make a more comfortable life for me and my husband."

Nothing. Nothing is happening. I've applied for hundreds of jobs. I've reworked my CV countless times. I get interviews but I always get rejections. I don't think I can stand the rejection anymore. Little disappointments overwhelm me.

I just don't understand. I can't figure out what it is. What essential thing am I missing that other people seem to have? What is it about me that is so undesirable as a candidate for employment?

I know that these feelings will pass. one day. But its just hard. I don't even want to apply for jobs anymore. I try and tell myself that I will not get my hopes up, to remain neutral, but inevitably I always do. I always start dreaming of opportunities that a new job will offer. and then, when the rejection email or letter arrives I can't help but to shed a few tears and become overwhelmed with bitterness.

Right now I don't even want to end this post on a positive note of any sort. I know I'm being a total killjoy at the moment but I need to get all of these swirling thoughts out before my brain explodes. I never knew how difficult things would be over here- trying to get ahead, trying to make a good life for myself and james. I feel so alone and so hopeless. If I knew before I left america what I know now....I'm not sure I would have moved over.

I'll be waiting oh so impatiently...

by the mailbox for this little beauty.....

A couple of months ago another blogger, the very cute Fried Pink Tomato , posted some of these prints on her website.

I lusted after a Richmond print for a couple of months in my mind and finally decided to look them up and check the prices....

and it was super cheap! Less than 20 euro including shipping!

I love the print and its a great way to keep my hometown close to my heart. I can't wait to hang this little beauty in my home!

It is also going to require a trip to my very favorite place in the world...IKEA!!

The Etsy person (i dont know the correct terminology here) has sized it to fit an Ikea frame perfectly so even framing it will be nice and cheap....very thoughtful!

She does all kinds of cities and you can even email her requests....we asked her if she would do one of Limerick so we can represent both of our hometowns!

If you want to check them out for yourself here is her Esty site.

Hurray for cute pictures...hurray for mail that isn't bills!

Hurray!

Day trippin it

A few weeks ago James and I headed to the Cliffs of Moher for a small day trip.

I live so close to all of these great places in Ireland but I just never seem to make the time to go and see them So I decided that it was finally time to start checking them off my list. (and believe it or not, James hasn't been to most of these places either....I can't believe that someone could live somewhere their entire life and never go and see some of these great sights in the country!)

It was only about an hour drive from Limerick which I didn't think was too bad at all. It actually would be only about 40 minutes except for the fact that half of the trip was on tiny little country roads like this one:

And in reality- That road is a pretty main road. and it is TEENY TINY. The speed limit is 60 on the road and people FLY down it. Huge trucks included. It was pretty nerve wrecking for me when I first started driving here to get used to these little roads, while driving on the wrong side of the road.


Here's me driving somewhat nervously- There are stone walls on both sides of the narrow road (just for ease of driving...har har) A very old way of fencing the fields off. The walls are a little more permanent around where we were- but in other parts of Ireland these stone walls are piled really simply because they take down parts of the walls to move livestock between fields and then pile them back up after they are done.


Here is a picture from the parking lot- the views from this area in Clare are really nice- This is facing towards Lahinch- a small seaside village.
This is the classic shot of the Cliffs- Pretty much the first view you see when you walk up the hill. A lot of times the views can be obscured by fog and rain but we got a nice and clear day! Even though it was very gray and cold. (I didn't wear a coat and wish I had.....this is during JULY people....JULY!!!)
The Hubs and I. I was having a weird face day....I kept on Chandler Bing-ing the pictures.


A small turrent on top of a large hill along the cliffs. This is where people are able to go inside and walk to the top. The view of the cliffs is the best from the top but we decided not to go up there. We already had to pay just to see the cliffs and didn't feel like shelling out another 2 Euros apiece to walk to the top of the building.
The far side of the Cliffs- to the left straight out in the ocean are the Aryan Islands. You can actually see them from the Cliffs, which I thought was pretty cool. I can't wait to go and see them one day soon!
This picture is just to show you how close you can get to the edge. Yeesh. I was VERY uncomfortable taking this picture. There are fences of course, but it is very easy to walk over them and walk out further along the cliffs- which most people do to get some really great pictures.
The north side of the cliffs- I couldn't get over the beauty of them!

This is a plaque near the North side of the Cliffs for all the People who have lost their lives there. Suicides do happen there, tragically enough. I just found out this week- A girl that I work with, her brother ended his life at the Cliffs this past week. I think that its just so sad. Such a beautiful place and it has such a tragic end for some people.

Wogging

Jogging + Walking= Wogging

A friend of mine said this the other day and we stole it. And are now abusing it and loving every second of it.

I love making up new words out of other words.

Anyways.

So two girlfriends and I began wogging this week. Hard core wogging. UGH.

You see, we are kind of in shape. Well not a fit sort of a shape. A squishy kind of shape. But we all have done at least one race before (one girlfriend does several every year but has yet to complete one running all of the way...a new goal for her) and so we figured if we wog together we will keep each other on point.

But yeesh I am so un-fit at the moment. After two days of wogging a lot of things hurt that I don't particularly want sore. Muscles that I use a lot more than I realized. Stupid exercise.

Don't get me wrong, I'm pleased with myself. I've been moaning about wanting/needing to exercise for a while now and so I'm happy that I'm getting out there, but I would rather be over this tough uphill start and be on a much fitter plain.

Time and patience. And lots of wogging.

And maybe I can finally go from this:

To this:

brownie smores....yum!

For my birthday this year my little sister-in-law got me these brownies for my birthday!

Look how cute this bag is with the little spoon and bow!!

They were awesome for two reasons- 1. Brownies don't really exist in Ireland. 2. Smore's DEFINATELY don't exist in Ireland.

oh- and 3. ready made mixes like this are a rarity.

My little SIL really knows how to win me over :)


Well so I forgot to take pictures of the mixing process. But If you have ever made brownies then you already know what happens/ what it looks like.

Note: NOT burnt. Huzzah!

The box said I needed to bake them for about 40 minutes, that was a lie. Or I got my temperatures wrong. sometimes converting Celsius to Fahrenheit doesn't go so well for me. I cooked them about an hour and maybe ten minutes.

Then you top with mini marshmallows!! I thought the spaces would matter but I forgot marshmallows puff up. Duh.

*WARNING* Marshmallows cook really really fast. One should not walk away from a very hot oven after placing marshmallows in it.

Note: BURNT. waaaa!!

Cause then this happens. Burnt Marshmallows. YUM. not so much. But I just told James I was going for that authentic campfire experience.

I left the brownies with marshmallows in the oven for about 2 minutes.....big mistake! I should have left them in there 30 seconds tops!

But.....
In the end it didn't Matter- They were still delicious!! They look really nice as well when cut open! (that's Graham cracker crust on the bottom there!)

I know this was a pre-packaged mix but I know it is super easy to make at home as well...

to make these brownies all you need is:

One package brownie mix (follow all of the directions on the box to make the brownie batter)
2 cups crushed graham cracker- or maybe a cup to half cup more depending on how thick you want your crust!
3/4 stick butter, melted.
1 1/2 cups mini marshmallows

Mix together the crushed graham crackers and melted butter and press into a small baking pan. Place in a preheated oven (325 F) for about 10 minutes.
Spoon the brownie mix over top of the baked crust and make smooth. Place into the oven and bake for about 40 minutes (or until the knife comes out clean from the center of the brownies). Then turn the broiler on and wait for about 5 minutes for the broiler to heat. cover the top of brownies with the marshmallows and bake for about 30 seconds or until all marshmallows are fluffy and NOT BURNT. (unless your going for that genuine campfire experience as well!)

I hope you enjoy! I thought they were pretty good- and now I need people to come over and eat some before James and I eat them all ourselves haha!

All of this baking and blogging has tuckered Neko out.

well....actually most things tucker her out! But shes so freaking cute when she sleeping I don't mind one bit!

A fine soft day

There is a saying here in Ireland, more of a joke really- A fine soft day. That's a phrase used to describe a day with horrible weather.

Ironic huh? Most of Irish humor is heavy on the sarcasm. After living here for a while I get it completely- its easier to make fun of yourselves than whinge and moan all day. (whinge= whine)

Well today? Its very fine and soft indeed.

I woke up this morning and the sun was nearly screaming it was so bright! Its not too often that the sun shines that brightly here and it was such a refreshing change.

I left the house to run a few errands and as I was driving down the road (wearing my new sunglasses....finally!!!) I just kept thinking about how colorful everything looked and how much nicer Limerick looks with a little sunshine!

I obviously didn't take this picture, but see? Looks nice in the sun!

After about a half hour I return home, sun still shining, looking forward to today's great weather.

I sit in the living room with a cup of coffee and after about five minutes I could hear something outside. I pull aside the curtain to see this:

I don't know if you can tell but its POURING out there....

Its absolutely PISSING rain.

Rats.

And it looks like its here to stay.

Double rats.

Just another day of a fine Irish summer. At least I'm working today so I won't have to look at gorgeous weather while stuck inside!

(seriously, I know its super duper hot in the States and it just won't cool down, but I really really wouldn't mind some of that heat and sunshine before summer ends!!)

Time is marching on

I swear everytime I blink its a different month.

I CANNOT believe its August already! I feel like summer just started.

Seriously, it hasn't even gotten hot yet! (I say yet like its ACTUALLY going to get warm. not likely.)

Well so far I've had a pretty good summer. Obviously not one spent blogging.

We went to the states which was great, too fast and already missed.

We traveled a little bit here in Ireland. Which I really need to do more often!

We got a new member of the Taylor family:

Her name is Neko and shes adorable. Shes also very playful and can be a pain in the ass but totally worth having. Never thought I would have a cat but so happy we got her!

I need to upload the Bazillion pictures we took on our various trips and outings on my computer and fill you guys in! (all 2 of you that may actually be interested har de har har)

Also I had hubs change the background of my blog. It was looking sooo HTML-y circa 2004 and it was driving me insane. The picture in the back was this really awesome picture I had taken in Ballybunion (A nice beach here in the west coast of Ireland) but it just looked awful to me as a background on the blog and made it hard to read. So now there are some nice Celtic symbols. Its much better than it was but I'm still not over the moon about it. Perfectionist much?

So hurrah for summer! I hope this last month slows down a bit and I have time to enjoy any and all sunshine we get!

Secret compartments

A couple of month ago I was asked to share an experience about something that happened to me.

It's something that I'm not sure I really want to divulge on here, and I won't. I don't think I'm ready really.

I took about 2 1/2 months to actually sit down and write out a detailed account of what happened and how it has affected me. I've just finished the email and sent it out.

I feel so angry. So angry that after all of this time I'm still so upset, so angry. and so angry that I might always feel this way. I wish I knew how to detach myself more, but I don't think I have that kind of money for the amount of therapy needed.

But what I find strange is that I am able to email a perfect stranger these very intimate details about my life. Things that I would NEVER tell a friend or even talk about with family or in-laws. It feels safer in a way. There is a sense of freedom in anonymity.

I am a very open person, extremely sociable and very talkative. But there are some things I never share- I keep them locked away, deep down. Ignore that door, try and lose the key. No matter how hard I try though, they are always waiting for me. In the same place, the same memories and the same feelings.

It makes me think sometimes, I wonder what someone else is keeping locked away.

I just hope that my sharing helps someone else. Theres a reason for everything right?